Golden State Circuit Race
Rancho Cordova, CA
5/23/10
Weather: windy, warm
Teammates: Joel Robertson, Dylan Clark
Placing: 5th of ~70
This report is late, but then again, so was my latest reimbursement check. Let’s call it even, shall we*?
I’ll start by saying that, according to the USACycling database, this race was categorized as a “Road Race” — only because it can’t be categorized as a crit, I presume — making this my highest finish in a road race this season. These are the sort of mind games I have to play in order to convince myself I’m not a complete POS crit racer. It works.
That said, this was undeniably a double-length crit course, with more corners than a dodecahedron** and more flat, exposed parts than a coked-out Kate Moss***. Having skipped the criterium the previous day in order to work, I bet I felt about as pumped up as Ms. Moss, too.
I carpooled to the race with Squadra Ovest’s “Skinny Brian,” a fellow shirker of stereotypes: he’s skinny and bony and can’t climb worth a damn, but he can sprint damn well. We basically spent the entire drive to Rancho Cordova talking about how much we validate each other’s existence, which was quite therapeutic.
I’ll skip the first part of the race because, as usual, it was composed of a few ill-fated breakaways. Here’s how it always goes: if it’s me in the move, I’m freaking out as always; if it’s my teammates in the break, I occupy myself by making condescending comments to other teams like, “Man, I sure hope you’ve got a great sprinter in the race, because you’re wasting an awful lot of energy chasing down that breakaway with my teammate in it.” All’s fair in love and war, right****?
With about half of the race remaining, an out-of-towner (I.E. his kit was completely new to me) launched a “totally legit” attack. Like an Arizona Police officer, I figured I’d follow the foreigner around a while just to see what he was up to. The two of us were eventually joined by Chris Stasny (Cal Giant) and Evan Huffman (Yahoo?) and we got ourselves a healthy gap over the field. Frustratingly, Huffman did everything he could — short of actually crashing in front of us — to slow our breakaway down, but the other two guys worked well with me to keep the pace as high. Alas, it was not to be.
With two laps remaining, le break du jour was caught, and Phil Mooney went solo immediately. All the people who were so eager to chase breakaways not two laps prior seemed more than happy to let the district’s second-best time trialist win uncontested. Nice. Way to work for Yahoo?, guys.
All of these shenanigans frustrated me, and I lost my usual sense of self-preservation (read: I decided not to be a big pansy); I latched onto the meathead sprinters heading into the final sprint, and finished fourth in the bunch, fifth overall.
I have mixed feelings about this finish. I’ve decided it was somewhat like a trip to The Olive Garden: sure, some people consider it good, but it’s by no means a great dinner.
That’s all I’ve got.
*This is in jest (mostly), because the team treats me very well. Thank you.
**After careful reflection, I think there were only ten corners, so this statement is false. Oh well, it sounded good when I wrote it.
*** Inappropriate, I know. Sue me.
****Not sure how relevant this idiom is in this context, but I’m watching “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” and it sounded good when Kate Hudson just said it.
Letter Grades:
Style: A (I’ve decided that, since he’s so stylish, any race attended by Joel gets an A for style.)
Tactics: Meh (Yeah, about like that.)
Teamwork: F (We should have had more of ‘em there…just sayin’.)
Finish: D (for Danger. Each time I contest a bunch sprint and don’t crash, the more likely I am to try it again.)
Overall: Y? (I just love ‘em.)
Yes, Justin’s race report reads a lot like this one. It could be because he just copies my style, or it could be that we’re more or less the same bike racer. It also could be that we’re a pair of a*&holes; we’ve been called that.
