You know how Floyd Landis has about seven different Twitter accounts — the most notable of which is purported to be @FakeFloydLandis — which he uses to make jokes and say inane but entertaining shit?
Well…Mark Twain was way ahead of Floyd Landis. You see, quite some time ago, @FakeMarkTwain tweeted the classic line, “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco,” a statement which has been incorrectly falsely attributed to the real Mark Twain for decades*.
Well, the attribution may be hazy, but the statement is true. I just finished my post-sunset jaunt over Twin Peaks and, upon returning to my apartment, I looked like a spandexed Tom Sawyer, fresh out of the river after being pushed off a bridge by his crush Becky (who, awkwardly enough, would be my bike in this analogy)**.
Anyway, while I was out sloshing around in the mist this evening, I came up with a short list of bad ideas that I have had recently:
- Going for a ride this evening.
- Growing a mullet in the first place.
- Maintaining a mullet for the blogging spectacle.
- Talking to girls. Ever.
- Registering for the Mt. Diablo HCTT.
- Racing the Mt. Diablo HCTT.
- A dinner composed entirely of cheese and beer.
- Blogging. It’s just not cool, as if you needed me to tell you that.
- Bike Racing. If I could go back to the year 2000 and whisper “bike racing is for losers” to myself, I would. Alas, here I am: 26 years old and still crushing my taint in spandex as a hobby.
Anyway, that’s a depressing list, but items #5 and #6 could use some elaboration. However, it’s kind of late and I’m hella tired. Check back tomorrow evening, when I’ll be discussing last weekend’s racing in detail. Until then, here’s a fun video of some Lithuanian mayor running over cars parked in the bike lane with a tank.
If only Gavin Newsom had done that during his tenure as SF’s mayor, I’d be a much less angry and aggressive cyclist nowadays. In other words, I’d probably be winning bike races, not placing 2nd all the time.
See you tomorrow!
*Note the doubly negatively adverbed sentence. Turns out Mark was just on his joke Twitter.
**Also note that this scene, to my knowledge, only happened in the Jonathan Taylor Thomas movie “Tom and Huck,” not in the actual literature. I’m not particularly refined, as I’m sure you’ve noticed already.
If you’d worn sunglasses for that picture you’d've made a pretty good blonde Slash.