Big Pink <3 Menlo Park GP (And So Should You)

Last time I posted, I mentioned that I was embarrassed by my fitness at the Santa Cruz criterium. Well, the whole fiasco became even more embarrassing last night, when I received an email from local photographer Tim Westmore — who I had talked to before Sunday’s race — which said the following.

“Rand…here is something to ease your embarrassment.”

Attached to the email was this photograph.

(Photo and Photoshop Credit: Tim Westmore)

Now, I’ve been known to haphazardly graft my head onto other people’s bodies when I win races, most notably Chris Stastny (Cal Giant) and Richard Nixon (Criminal Politicians); however, after nearly being dropped at Santa Cruz, a professional photographer decided to professionally photoshop my head onto The Praying Mattis’ victory salute. Wow…just wow.

Anyway, this galvanized my interest in riding my bike during the week, so I climbed Mount San Bruno this evening at an undisclosed pace.

Now, it’s not “training” if you don’t know how quickly (or slowly) I ascended the hill, so don’t go accusing me of “getting serious” — you should know better than that. I guess we’ll see how my totally-unstructured-yet-improved riding plan pays off at the Menlo Park GP on Saturday!

Speaking of the Menlo Park GP, I was looking at the registration page this evening and I was surprised to see that the lists of registered riders were quite sparsely populated.

Now, I’m partial to this race because it aligns nicely with my present cycling capacity: it’s close to where I live, it’s flat, and it’s a criterium. However, it’s also one of my favorite events because it has the proverbial balls to promote women’s categories more heavily than men’s (as awkward as that may sound). That’s right, Velogirls, the promoting club, offers cash prizes to the ladies and merchandise to the men; effectively, this race is for the women and about the women, and the male categories are merely offered as a sideshow.

Those of you who read regularly will know that I love women, and the more of them we get to races, the happier I am. I wholeheartedly support the Velogirls’ attempt to develop female bike racing — thus, I’m going to show up to the Menlo Park GP year after year, rain or shine.

Now, USACycling rule 1N5c states:

“Category 1 & 2 riders who are members of the same Team or club must wear identifiably similar uniforms when competing in a massed start race except where different uniforms are called for by USA Cycling regulations.”

In spite of this rule, I intend to wear Big Pink during the P/1/2 race as an emblem of my support for women’s cycling — and to make the men’s race even more of a sideshow.

I hope the race officials will turn a blind eye on my transgression!

Now, if no one shows up to the race to mock my neon pink, exceedingly tight, female-cut jersey, then the stunt will be a failure and my impending disqualification will be for naught. Sadly, it seems people are inclined to skip Menlo Park this year for two reasons:

1. It overlaps with the Copperoppolis RR.
2. Male bike racers (of all categories) seem to think they are entitled to cash prizes.

The first reason is valid, albeit unappealing to those of us who enjoy sleep and who would like our taints to remain unravaged by the jarring pavement.

The second reason is total bogus, however, and people who complain about a lack of prize money are clearly delusional. Bike racing is a hobby, even at the category 1/2 level, and if one only derives enjoyment from this sport when there’s money on the line, he/she might as well take up slot machines instead — the odds of monetary gain are probably higher.

In summary: come race the Menlo Park GP, support women’s bike racing, and scream nasty comments at the dude wearing the pink jersey…or else you’re a greedy sissy.

No one said I was mature.